Jon Solo Sebastian 05/31/2024:

Welcome to Conspiracy Week! I present to you, the Giant of Kandahar. Reports and hearsay tell the tale of American soldiers facing off against a giant outside of a large cave in Afghanistan. This sounds more like the topic of a conspiracy radio talk show, but this is the sort of thing that gets me stoked and frantically searching the web for articles! While most of the details could easily be made up, some of them could be explained as a hoax with underlying truths. I feel as though something happened in a cave in Kandahar, but I don’t think we’ll ever know what exactly took place. Could it be a cover-up, or is this just another wild Bantha chase of a story?

The Fabled Story of the Giant of Kandahar

In 2002, during the war in Afghanistan, a squad of U.S. Army soldiers went missing. Special Forces were sent to search and retrieve them, but what they allegedly found instead was something no one would believe. Tracking the whereabouts to a large cave, they found scattered military equipment near the entrance with a foul odor described as smelling like dead bodies coming from inside the cave. Before they could enter the cave, a fifteen foot tall red haired and red bearded giant stepped out of the cave opening. It was believed to have six fingers and an extra row of teeth. It wore animal hides for clothing and footwear… it’s not like it could go out shopping for anything fashionable. Does any clothing brand make clothes or shoes for the extra, extra tall folks around the world?

The giant reportedly attacked the soldiers with a spear. It impaled one of the soldiers, though I’m not sure if the soldier survived the attack or not. They opened fire on the giant taking it down after unloading an awful lot of ammunition into it, which makes sense considering its size; it would likely take a lot to bring down a giant. The tale wraps up with it being airlifted via helicopter out of there and taken to an undisclosed base. This sounds like the synopsis for an episode of the X-files, and considering we’ve never seen giants anywhere in our everyday lives, it makes this one hard to believe. The thing is, who’s to say this couldn’t have happened? I’m not saying I believe it did, but we have to ask ourselves these questions—if this story were true, what would make us think the government would disclose it with us, and would they truly think it necessary to tell us about it?

Things That Make You Go Hmm

The black and white photo above is said to be from 1923 in Afghanistan. This photo had recently gone viral making its rounds all over the internet. At first glance, it looks like a legit group photo, but it was later revealed it had been the work of photoshop. The giant in the photo looks like he might have been pulled from Game of Thrones. With A.I. making its push into all things in the world, I’m certain we’ll see more images of giants walking among us.

There was one detail that I re-read several times because it’s a detail that I can’t imagine why anyone would make it up. One report by someone that might have been on the helicopter ride, or helping prep the dead giant for airlift (if this was a true story to begin with), claimed the giant had fungus growing on its fingers. I’m not saying it’s impossible to make that up, but it’s an odd detail. Fungus on fingers is an unusual detail to add to a description of a fake creature. I know I’m reaching, but like I always say, I want to believe!

The giant of Kandahar story sounds more like a decent film to watch on a late night with some nachos. I don’t feel there is any real evidence for this to be a true story. On the other hand, anything is possible. What do you believe?