Jon Solo Sebastian 10/13/2024:

“Kids, don’t stray too close to the water, else Ole Jenny Greenteeth’ll getcha!”

Jenny Greenteeth, or Wicked Jenny is this week’s “Monster of the Week.” Most folktales involving the creepy cryptids were devices from the old days to keep kids out of trouble. Jenny Greenteeth is no different. Wicked Jenny, her alias, sounds more metal to me, but Greenteeth has that old folklore feel to it. What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you see her name? Let me know via the comments or email. For me, I think of a lady with rotting teeth and a bad case of halitosis. She’s probably super friendly but is feared by the local yokels due to the stories created about her. Unfortunately, that’s not the case with Ole Wicked Jenny. She’s straight up evil.

What or Who is Jenny Greenteeth?

Simply put, she’s an old river hag, or water hag. What’s a hag, you ask? Hags are old witch-like women from fairytales around the world. They sometimes have supernatural powers, or they appear as young beautiful women who seduce men into having intercourse with them before they kill the men. Hags, according to some scholars, could be the remnants of primitive nature goddesses. In European folklore, they are evil and hideous old women that practice witchcraft, and tend to eat children who stray too far from home.

As I sifted through articles detailing what Jenny Greenteeth might have looked like, I started visualizing the water hag from The Witcher 3 video game I’ve mentioned in some of my other articles. Take a peek at the hideous and terrifying creature below.

Jenny Greenteeth is an aged gal kind of like that old jug of mead you brewed years ago and forgot about. She won’t let you forget about her though, and while mead usually gets better with age, she gets scarier… and smellier. Her place of residence is the United Kingdom, and she originated from English folklore. She’s deeply rooted in the waters of Lancashire, but similar stories and descriptions come from Cheshire. The water hag from Cheshire goes by the more metal name I mentioned earlier—Wicked Jenny (insert Bill and Ted guitar jam here).

A side note: this is for those of you who aren’t into the metal music genre or scene. When I refer to something as being metal, I mean it could be used for the name of a metal band, or song. The appearance/characteristics of the cryptid could be used for album artwork or t-shirt logos. It’s also a way of saying something sounds cool, or looks cool.

Would she look good on a t-shirt?

These are images of Meg Mucklebones from the classic film Legend. Ridley Scott drew inspiration from Jenny Greenteeth for the character

As you’ve seen in the photos throughout this piece, she’s a rotting old witch with long branch-like arms and claws for hands. Her body is green and it is said to have plants and weeds growing from it.

How does she eat people? Glad you asked. She uses her terrifyingly sharp teeth to chomp chomp and nom nom her daily meals, which are children or pretty much anyone wandering too close to the waters. Do you have any Jenny Greenteeth stories to tell? The downside to this particular cryptid is that I couldn’t find any reported sightings. I suppose if she’s out there, she eats the eye witnesses. I don’t think she’s a creature I’d want to go looking for, and certainly wouldn’t want to be on her menu for the day, so I’ll stick to reading my article about Ole Jenny Greenteeth when I’m missing that ole gal.